My Immortal
by Pricilla Grey
Summary: A songfic about Paige to Evanescence's My Immortal. A slight mention Of Piper/Leo and Phoebe/Jason. Mostly Paige/?


The woman sighed and pulled over her car. She had been driving for over two hours and 'My Immortal'had just been announced as the next song to come on the radio and she couldn't drive anymore. The song always reminded her of him. At first she had just felt a bit choked up when she heard it. But now…she found it almost impossible to continue with what she was doing and in this case it meant driving. As the familiar chords of 'My Immortal' started and Amy Lee's haunting voice broke out from the speakers. Instead of turning it off, she decided to follow her sister's advice and face the music, so to speak.

_**I'm so tired of being here,  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave,  
I wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here,  
and it won't leave me alone. **_

She let her mind wind back to the first time she'd heard the song. He was leaving in the morning. He was always leaving in the morning. Every time he wasn't with her she'd be thinking about him. Trying to hide her broken heart with other men never really worked, she pushed them all away because she didn't want them there in the first place. Sometimes, when she would cry alone at night, she wished she'd never met him. He was never far away, haunting her heart and mind. Every time he came for her, she promised herself that it would be the last time. She wouldn't stand for it anymore. But she just didn't have the strength to tell him to leave. All he had to do was say her name and she'd melt. She loved him, pure and simple.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal,  
this pain is just too real,  
there's just too much that time cannot erase.**_

Paige found herself mouthing the words along with Amy Lee. Nothing she did could make her feelings go away. Distance really did make the heart go fonder. The more the time past, the more she wanted him back.

_**You cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,  
I've held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still have…all of me.**_

The chorus was always the worse part of the song for her. She wanted someone to wipe away her tears, fight away her fears and hold her hand forever. But more specifically, she wanted him. Her sister's could only do so much for her. Piper and Leo were meant to be, Phoebe was finding a new relationship with Jason and she was left with a broken heart. She didn't have anyone to give herself to. He wasn't around enough. When they were together life was prefect, but apart was like living in a never-ending hell. Where she was left alone. 

**_You used to captivate me,  
by your resonating light,  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind,  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me._**

Paige smiled bitterly at these words; they described how she felt precisely. There was something about him that had always made her want him back, a certain glow. Paige truly couldn't move on, all bound by there one night's together, their short weekends and brief phone calls. He was everywhere she looked, yet never really there. He haunted her dreams and chased away all her sane feelings about love. He was her love, her soul mate. She had always known, but after the first time she let him leave, he kept on repeating that process. Never staying for long.  
**_  
These wounds won't seem to heal,  
this pain is just too real,  
there's just too much that time cannot erase._**

Again, she felt like Evanescence was taking the words straight from her heart, her mind and even her very soul. One night stands, tried and failed relationships; nothing could make her heart heal. It was always there, always aching. Nothing could make her feelings disappear or erase her pain. There was just…too much.

**_You cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,  
I've held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still have…all of me._**

That damn chorus again. She thought back to all the times that they'd been together- not doing anything, just talking. He was like her best friend; if it weren't for her sisters- there would have been no way for her to survive without him. She would have fallen apart, alone with a broken heart. _That's not true. He is my heart; I don't have one without him._

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,  
but though you're still with me,  
I've been alone all along.**_

The first line of this song could be written about her. Paige kept on telling herself over and over again that he was gone and not coming back. But there was nothing she could do to convince herself that he was gone, that there was no hope for them. Every time she closed her eyes she could swear that he was beside her. Sometime she could hear him, occasionally even think that he was there. But he never was, it was never him- yet he never left her side. She just couldn't let him go.

_**You cry I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,  
I've held your hand through all of these years,  
but you still have…all of me.**_

That's what she needed. She was fed up at wiping away her own tears, of fighting her own fears. She fought monsters almost everyday, was it wrong to want someone to hold her hand as she fought off her own inner demons? She shook her head, answering herself. It wasn't wrong. She didn't want Mr Right Now, no more one-night stands, relationships that were doomed to fail, she wanted Mr Right and she knew exactly who he was.

As the last word of the song finished, Paige turned off the radio and let out a deep breath. This was the first time she had listened to the whole song and not cried. But she knew that did not mean she was moving on from him, it only meant that she was understanding that it was just a song- a beautiful, meaningful song- but a song all the same. She picked up her cell phone and dialled his number; she knew it off by heart. It rang for a few seconds before she pushed down the 'call cancel' button and threw her phone in the back seat. She put her head in hands and let the tears fall.

The same thoughts just wouldn't leave her mind. Why did I let him go? Why? Why did I give up on us? How could he give up on us? Why does he leave? Why do we keep on letting each go?

She looked up from her hands but didn't wipe away her tears. She noted it was dark out. The street lamps were on and besides the cars passing by with their headlights, it was pitch black. Piper and Phoebe would get worried if she didn't go back soon. But she couldn't go back, not yet anyway.

_Screw the damn song! I need him with me now!_ After thinking that distressing thought she tried to wipe away the stray tears that had slid down her cheeks.

"I can't live without you anymore…I need you with me Glenn."

Somewhere in Thailand, in a cheap hotel by a beach, Glenn Belland woke up with a start. He ran a hand through his sweaty brown hair and pulled his shirt off. Stepping out of his bed he moved to the balcony and threw the doors open. The night air whistled softly and the moon shone brightly, with the sea dancing below. Glenn gazed around the beautiful setting before him and couldn't help but think that this was the last place he wanted to be. He made a promise to himself that tomorrow he would be on a plane back to the United States, back to San Francisco…back to the one person who he loved more than anything else in the world.


End file.
